The Date Auction
by Kyo's Querida1293
Summary: Remus and Sirius have no clue how to tell their friends that they're together. Could James' latest quest to woo Lily inadvertently force them out of their secrecy? Written for the prompt 'wrong number'.


**Hey guys! I had so much fun writing my first Remus/Sirius fanfic that I decided to write another! This one is longer and more humorous. I hope you like it!**

**I dedicated the last one to my "fanfiction idols", as my friend Kelsey calls them, remuslives23 and Marauders-and-Lily-I-Love because they got me into Remus/Sirius in the first place. But I'd like to dedicate this one to my friends Kelsey, Ali and Bronnie. To Kelsey: Thank you for forcing me to post my work and always supporting it. And not just rolling your eyes at me when I rant about how amazing it would be if my "fanfiction idols" ever reviewed one of my stories. To Ali: Thanks for reading my stories and getting super excited about them ever though you've never opened a Harry Potter book in your life and call Peter Charles more times than I can count. But thayts why I love you, expecially on Mondasys. XD Please don't push me in front of the 6 train on Tuesday! To Bronnie: Thanks for reading my stuff even though you're not a fan of slash. Especially reading them obnoxiously loud in the computer room when I'm having a bad morning. I think we've scarred the freshman several times. Keep stalking Alan Rickman girl. One day he's bound to open the door.**

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THE DATE AUCTION

"Ohmpf!!" Remus cried as his boyfriend fell on top of him. He looked in the corner where his copy of "The Catcher in the Rye" had been thrown upon impact as he struggled to take in another breath.

When Sirius had rolled to his side, allowing Remus to breathe again, Remus asked "Where did you even come from?"

Sirius gave him a sly smirk in response. "Well, I was downstairs with James when I remembered that my fantastically sexy werewolf of a boyfriend was sitting up here alone, probably doing something boring. So I decided to come distract you." He said as his hands pushed up Remus' sweater vest and un-tucked his shirt.

Remus blushed and said "I would watch those hands. James will be up here any minute to see what you're up to."

Sirius just smirked again and said "That's part of the thrill, Moony. Never knowing when you'll be caught-" he emphasized the word with a light nip to Remus' now exposed abdomen. Remus yelped in response and Sirius' smirk widened.

As he continued to leave light kisses all over Remus' bare chest Remus gave a small smile and ran his hands through his hands through Sirius' hair. "You won't be saying that when someone walks in. Peter may just have a coronary…"

Sirius snickered and pushed himself farther up Remus' body. He stopped when he was to face with his secret boyfriend and laid his forehead against his.

"We've been together for almost a year now and every time I think that it's the right time to tell them I just see the worst case scenario…"

Remus sighed and kissed Sirius lightly on the side of his frowning mouth. "One day Pads, one day we'll tell them."

Sirius nodded and sat up, tucking a piece behind Remus' ear. It wasn't long until they heard someone bounding up the stairs. They quickly separated and sat on completely opposite ends of the bed just before James burst in yelling "I have created yet another brilliant plan to woo my fair Lily."

Sirius snorted and said "And will this brilliant plan actually work this time?"

James was either so excited that he didn't notice what Sirius said or he chose to ignore him because he said "Look! I've already made the flyers! I'm going to post them tonight."

James threw flyers of all colors onto the bed. They read 'Tired of dateless trips to Hogsmeade? Don't want any more lonely Friday nights? Come to James Potter's charity Date Auction! Tomorrow Night-Gryffindor Tower."

Both Remus and Sirius snorted before saying "Charity?" and "Date Auction?"

James just nodded fervently. "How does this get Lily to go out with you?" Remus asked.

"Well you see, this is a _charity _auction. Once dear Lily hears that her galleons will be going to a good cause she will obviously have no problem spending them on yours truly.

The two other boys exchanged looks that clearly showed their feelings towards their friend's plan before Sirius said "This has got to be your stupidest plan yet."

"Hey!" James exclaimed. "When I _finally _win Lily over, you will all be proven wrong."

Remus shook his head and decided to interrupt the two friends. "And where do you intend to get these dates?"

James just smiled at the two of them.

"No!" they both yelled.

"Well, obviously not Sirius." said James. "Since he has that secret girlfriend he refuses to tell is the name of." He was of course referring to the fake girlfriend Sirius had made up when James had woke up one night to find Sirius' bed empty. He couldn't very well tell him he was one bed over with Remus.

His eyes moved to Remus.

"Me? Are you serious?"

James' grin widened and his mouth opened to speak the too familiar pun that always followed that question.

Remus gave him a pointed glare before saying "Don't. Even. Think about it."

James' face fell for a moment before perking up again. "So Remus…"

"No. Absolutely not."

"C'mon Moony! You haven't been out on a date in forever!"

"Jam-"

"I won't take no for an answer Remus! I'm signing you up!"

And before Remus could open his mouth to tell James that he would most certainly be taking no for an answer he frolicked out of the room yelling that he needed to find more boys to participate.

Remus just stared after him, terrified. He looked towards Sirius, his eyes wide with fear as he said "Looks like I'm being sold. It'll probably be Doris Ryder…she's been after me for a while…"

Both boys shivered at the thought of the creepy looking fifth-year.

"No!" Sirius exclaimed. "I will not let you be sold to that creep so she can do Merlin only knows what to you!'

"What can you do about it, Sirius?"

"Don't worry. I'll take care of it."

…

'Take care of it he says.' Remus muttered as he tapped his foot impatiently. He sighed as he heard James announce another boy on his makeshift stage. Remus fidgeted and looked down at the number on his chest. He was bachelor number 25, the last one to be auctioned off.

He watched as a handsome Ravenclaw boy walked on 'stage'. James spoke loud and clear over the squealing girls. James looked down at his list of names and said "Introducing Bachelor number 23 ladies! His name is Michael Bones. He smart, he's witty and he could be all yours this weekend. Let's start the bidding with 5 galleons…do I hear 5 galleons?"

Remus sighed as the girls started to shot their bets. He turned when he felt a hand his shoulder. He turned to see it was Sirius. He wore a wide smile and he said "I messed with James' list. That way when he looks for your name it'll show the wrong number and in the confusion you can run."

Remus raised an eyebrow before saying "That's your brilliant plan?"

He gave a frustrated sigh before saying "I did what I could with the time I had, dearest." He added the endearment sarcastically.

Both boys jumped when they heard James' beat his 'podium' (AKA end table from the common room) with a gavel he had snatched from somewhere. "Sold!" he yelled. "To Ms. Weber for twenty galleons. Congratulations Ms. Weber!"

"Next up is Bachelor number 24 who is…why it's me!" James said with a tone of fake shock. Remus rolled his eyes.

James threw down the list before saying "So let's start the bidding with oh…I don't know…how about Lily Evans?" he said, ignoring all the girls bouncing up and down in anticipation.

Remus saw Lily sitting in the far corner of the room, reading a book and totally ignoring James. She looked up at the mention of her name and said "You're supposed to start with an amount of money not a name, idiot."

James withered under her glare and attempted again "5 galleons, Lily? It's for charity…"

She snorted What charity?"

James' eyes swiveled as he said "Uhhh…"

She snapped her book shut and said "That's what I thought." She got up and as the Fat Lady's portrait swung open to let her out she turned back and said "Sorry, I'm not interested. But I think Gertrude over here is willing to lay down a wager." She pointed towards a geeky looking, spoiled, rich girl.

James' eye twitched as he watche d Lily climb through the portrait hole. He heard Gertrude scream "50 galleons!"

James tried to stutter out a response but before any words could leave his mouth Gertrude yelled "Sold!" and climbed on stage. She plopped the galleons into James' hand and gave him a lewd wink before saying "See you tonight, babe."

Remus and Sirius laughed at James's terrified face. When their laughs faded Remus ripped the number 25 sign off of his chest. "C'mon" he said "Let's go. I doubt he'll even think to finish the auction after that."

He slipped his hand into Sirius' and began to walk towards the portrait hole. They were nearly out when they heard James' voice start up again. "Well…I guess it's time we finish this auction up with Bachelor 22,457?" James let out a laugh. "Who scratched out 25 and rewrote 22,457 in pink ink?"

Remus stiffened and slowly turned to look at Sirius in disbelief. Sirius gave him a small smile and said "It sounded like a good plan at the time…."

"_Pink ink?" _Remus hissed.

Sirius just shrugged and gave a shaky laugh.

By this time James had spotted Remus at the back of the room and he yelled "Remus! Come on up here!"

He looked from Sirius' apologetic face to James' excited one. He gathered up his courage and walked towards the stage, muttering 'It better not be Doris.'

"Okay ladies, start your bidding!"

Of course Doris was the first one to yell "5 galleons."

Remus pulled on the frayed ends of his sweater as he became more nervous. The betting had come down to Doris and another girl by the name of Anna Marshall. _Please let it be Anna! _Remus pleaded in his head, desperate for anyone but Doris.

But by the time it got to 30 galleons, Anna bailed out. James looked guiltily at Remus before slowly saying "Going once?"

Remus started shaking his head, practically begging Doris to drop out.

"Going twice?"

Remus threw one last pleading glance towards Sirius before closing his eyes and pretending this wasn't happening.

"Going three times?...Well I guess I'm going to have to say so-"

"35 galleons!"

Remus couldn't believe it but when he opened his eyes there was his supposedly secret boyfriend, standing a few feet from Doris, his hand raised. Everyone was staring at him in disbelief, Remus stared in gratitude.

Doris stuttered "Y-you can't make a bet! You're a boy!"

"35 galleons is 35 galleons." Sirius fired back. "Care to beat my bet?"

She turned towards the stage and said "38 galleons! But that's all I have!"

Sirius smirked and said "40 galleons."

James looked between Remus, Sirius and Doris with a confused looked before saying "Well…sold, I guess…to Sirius Black…"

Sirius walked up to James and plopped the galleons into his hand muttering "There goes the Christmas gift money."

He turned around and slipped his arm through Remus' and they marched out the common room and up to the dorms, leaving many confused looks behind them.

As soon as Sirius closed the door behind them Remus threw his arms around Sirius' waist and held him tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." he chanted.

Sirius chuckled and returned the hug. "I couldn't just sit back and let you get raped by Doris, could I?"

Remus laughed and stood on his tippy toes to kiss him square on the mouth. "Well thanks anyway."

"Aren't you worried that James and Peter will figure us out now?" Remus asked with a frown.

Sirius shrugged and said "Whatever happens, happens. They were bound to find out sometime."

Remus smiled and said "Well, I think it's time to thank my hero properly."

Sirius laughed as Remus playfully pushed his onto the mattress behind him. He climbed on top of him quickly and attacked Sirius' neck with kisses, nips and licks. They were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't even notice the people on the stairs until their voices could be heard from behind the door. Sirius and Remus froze as they heard James and Peter fighting.

"Prongs, I've been telling you for weeks, they aren't together."

"Then explain what happened back there!"

"He was helping him get out of going out with Doris."

"I've been telling you for weeks, there's something going on between them!"

Remus and Sirius stared at each other, eyes wide. Remus whispered "Weeks?", too shocked to move from his position on top of Sirius.

The door swung open and Peter's response to James was cut off as shock overtook his face. James just wore a smug face. Before Sirius or Remus could say anything James threw his arm out in front of Peter and said "I believe you owe me some money."

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**Thanks for reading guys! I hope you enjoyed it! Remember to review! They make my day. ;D**

**~Joanna**


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